Monday, June 01, 2009

She's arrived!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The story of the birth of my daughter - Daisy! I put this here because I was starting to forget and I wanted to remember how I felt. This could be TMI - feel free to skip if birth stories are not your thing.

Last Monday night, Memorial Day, I sort of leaned over the chair and said whoo that is starting to get painful. From about 10pm to 1am, I had pains that I had to get out of bed and walk off. From 1am to 7am I starting timing between them and decided these were contractions. Went to the Dr, and he examined me and said nope - just braxton hicks and still just 1 cm. But I did not go into work because I was still in pain and having contractions. Again Tuesday night as I lie on the , Ernie says "We'll get through this, come on", he was so kind and gentle. He lit a candle upstairs, and took a massage ball and rubbed my back with it. This continued, I even took a tylenol thinking they would subside. The pain was all in my hips. I kept track but was never 5 minutes apart. somtimes 6 sometimes 12. I had a regularly scheduled appt at 8. I forced Ernie to go with me for some reason (divine intervention - there was no reason to think that todays appt was any different from yesterday's), even though we really did not think it was anything. He got dressed for work. We go in, they put me on the fetal monitor and she says well you are having contractions. The dr comes in and reaches in to check the cervix and says "you are 8 cm" and you are about to have this baby! I walked out of the door and said to my mom, change of plans, I am in labor, I'm 8 centimeters, and I have to go to Laurel Regional across the street. The women in the waiting room were congratulating me. I walked out of the medical building and into the car.

The hospital is just across the street - my mom dropped me off out front and I walked into the lobby of the hospital. The man says "you have to register." Calmly I tell him that I don't have to register because I am in labor and already at 8 cm. I then get escorted upstairs but I am still walking and still pretty calm actually. All the birthing classes, all the labor preperations (how to massage through the pain), the hosptal tour, everything for nothing because my labor was 80% over and I didn't even realize it.

Next, I meet the most amazing nurse - this angel sent directly from heaven - she will always be someone I count as making the most amazing day - the birth of my child so perfect - Marvera. She greeted me when I arrived on the floor, hustled me into my room, started my IV. She said she would try to get my epidural. I said I am ok without it. I had really wanted to go natural but if I was miserable I would have the drugs. Marvera spent the next two hours monitoring me, the baby, helping me though contractions, she found a fan, she got a cool cloth. Kim and Ernie arrived. Luckily we had my bag and pillows in the car although there wasn't even time to look in the bag. My water still had not broken but just as they were about to do it, I threw up and it must have broken then. Around 10:30 am, Marvera asks if I am ready to push. She quickly teaches Ernie how to hold my legs, the DR comes in and gets dressed in scrubs and what looks like a welding mask. He suggests some Pitocin - how much faster he wants this to go is beyond me. I am in no position to argue at this point. in my head I justify the baby will be out before the pitocin really gets through my system. I had been drug free up til now and really did not want it. Again, my guardian angel, we waited about 5 or so minutes and decided I really did not need the Pitocin. About 20 good pushes, it's a feeling I can never describe. It hurt but I was so happy that the baby was about to come and I was tired. When I said I can't - Marvera said it's the only way to get this baby out". It isn't something that you can practice so some of the pushes were me trying to get the hang of it. I did not have a mirror, and Ernie who I was not really sure how he would handle the delivery room, said you really could see the head. Daisy really wanted out - cause at 11:25 am on May 27th 2009, she bounded into the world. I did get to hold her for a few minutes but there were medical type things that had to be done for me and for her.

Ernie went to find the grandparents, and they came in about 30 minutes after she was born. The cameras started flashing at that point.

I am finishing this post 18 days later - because breastfeeding (I hated it, I quit after 4 days (the lactation consultant that came is horrified I know) and I failed and it made me feel so inadequate) and post partum(for someone who always had it together and thought she was so prepared - it hit me like a ton of bricks - taking me back to the hospital for a day which I will always always regret) , and getting used to having a newborn to take care of took over. The days do fly(Whole days go by and I don't even take one photo or bathe) . I constantly worry - is she breathing, is she sleeping enough or too much, eating enough or too much? is she too hot or too cold? Oh the patrol for poop is terrible. That was 48 hours - thanks Cori for giving me a little relief on that aspect. The books tell you so many different things - call the Dr for every little thing and then the Dr tells you that is totally normal. Her umbilical cord still has not fallen off and of course I am sure that I have done something wrong there. Not to mention every baby gadget takes a PHD in engineering to understand - the car seat and the stroller snap and go - what a crock more like snap and buckle and push and pull and go. I still don't know how to get the side down on the crib and breathe Megan breathe.

Another wierd part is I don't even remember what it was like to be pregnant - those 9 months seem like two years ago. I don't remember the pain of childbirth. That hour seems like nothing to the pain of watching your newborn cry and your not sure how to fix it or when they prick her foot for the rubi(something) test.

I am trying to get a grip and just love her and I do more than anything else in the whole world. Everyone says it will get easier or I'll just get more used to my new life. I won't miss sleep as much as I'll like waking up to see a milky sleepy face. I just can't wait to see what the next 18 days holds!



heatherbell said...

what a beautiful post! print it and keep it forever!

cmbrunker said...

She is so beautiful. Kudos to you for going all natural! Don't be too disappointed in yourself for not breastfeeding. I'm so proud of you for just trying! It's not easy for every Mom. (I never got a good latch on...) The worry never goes away but it does change as the get older. Instead of breathing, you'll worry about her heart being broken by a boy. Wait until she wraps her little arms around you neck and says "You're the bestest Mommy I ever had!"

Niki said...

Good luck!

Julia Dunnit said...

Oh Megan how wonderful, such great and happy news and your wonderful body doing it all in your tune. Amazing you are!
Now, don't try to be supermom, you can't. Days are meant to go by. Really. Just sleep when she sleeps and enjoy the inbetweens. Nothing you do or don't do makes you a failure dear gal; good lord, you just made a sweet human being!
Am so totally happy for you. Learning to let things NOT get done is the part that's hard, not looking after your daughter. Honest. take it from one who's been there in terms of post partum!

Glo said...

She's beautiful, Meg! Just like her mommy! :)